As I am continuing my life with Christ, I am using my old blog site to write my blog journal. I am reading my daily devotional book, "Jesus Calling". I haven't written on this blog site since 2009 but I am alive again to blog about my journey!
Here is a post I had posted on my Facebook on September 17, 2014:
"Loosing your daughter is not your business but it is God's business"
This statement hit home for me!! Brought a lot of deep issues in my heart to light. Let me explain why: I can control the little things, what clothes I put on, my make up, how I want my hair to look, my nails to look, even things like what food I eat, where I want to go, what I want to do, what people I want to hang around with. I can control the little things on my daily activity. There are some things I cant control. Here is THE one thing I can't control: time.
What is done in life is done, spent, put away but what really seems to sink in my heart is a longing and desire to go back in time, in a past event, a certain moment or memory. Some piece of information that I know today that would change the past. "If only I can go back in time...." I keep thinking this thought as though I am constraint from controlling time to visit a certain past time. It aches me that I can't go back to see my daughter again, it aches me that I can't change that moment of her passing so I can have her with me but I can't. That is out of my control.
There's a lot of guilt, shame, heartache, sadness that makes me think going back would make that go away, that somehow living in the past will make my life today better. But what I seem to forget is God is in control of time. It is His business what happens in time.
" And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
There's a greater purpose of Abby's passing. There is a greater love in that He gives whether its for a moment, a season or a lifetime. He sends people into our lives to show that love. Its a beautiful way the Holy Spirit works through His purpose. Abbys love may be for a season but her legacy of love will go on a lifetime. This is how Jesus is in our lives! His physical body is not with us on Earth but His legacy is being lived by those who love Him! This is God's purpose! "...Love one another..", "Love your neighbor as you love yourself...", "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not parish but have eternal life"
It's hard to understand why God allows those who love Him hurt. But when you give up and surrender to Him, you learn how to love others. You learn how to trust. You learn how to give faith. You learn how to be happy with yourself. You learn to be satisfied of the food which Holy Spirit provides. It is incredible!!
So the Holy Spirit spoke to me in my heart through that one statement. Today I'm surrendering myself to Him and my daughters loss is no longer my business but it is God's. Yes I will still miss her and love her but I am happy to have her for that season!! I feel so at peace today!
I belong in a greater purpose and I'm excited to see what God has in stored!!
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